My Purpose

It's not typically easy for me to make decisions. At all. I'm the type to dwell on thoughts and ideas forever without actually acting on them... I'm introverted and definitely more comfortable sitting in some room alone then with a huge group of people... much less living with a huge group of people for extended period of time... I have a completely irrational and excessive fear of flying... I don't like being away from "home" for more than a couple days at a time.

And I'm here in Texas. There is no reason why I should be in Texas right now. I had no real desire to be here... I like helping people but I can do that elsewhere... It's Tuesday and I'm still trying to figure out why I'm here... All logic says is I shouldn't be.

Did God send me here? What does God want me to accomplish here? I don't feel like I've done anything worthwhile yet. I wonder if I'll have accomplished anything at all by the end of the week. At this point I feel completely useless and like I'm just wasting my time and everyone else's...

It's funny how you can go into something with all these expectations, then get there and realize it's nothing like you thought. Honestly, instead of making more faithful, this trip has made me question my religion and God... I've been struggling with this sine I started college almost 3 years ago... It's extremely emotionally draining. I thought I was going to go into these work sites and find appreciative, crying families, but instead find this woman who was already used to having different groups come in and work on her house... Often annoyed at the poor work the other groups have already done.

Why bother? Seriously?

Well, I'm bothering... I just have no idea why. But I guess that's OK, because I made it here, somehow, and I have a job to do.

~ Erin C.